Life is a movement in searching for truth

My story, which I remember well, began with the time when I was 6 years old. My grandmother was the first to come to God, and she prayed for a long time about my mother. At that time, there were many problems and Mom was looking for answers in books, through meetings with people. Is God and where is He? Once she walked past the building, which we often walked, walking around, something inside prompted her to go there. She said that someone had turned her from the inside and she went to this building. There was a gathering of the charismatic church and she met with the people who invited her to study the Bible in more detail and pray for her questions. That's how my mother stayed there. She, shortly after, began to take me with me. Dads and mom were already divorced at that time. My dad is still unbelieving.

That's how I grew up visiting a charismatic church for fourteen years. From my childhood, I stayed in adult gatherings, because I was striving to learn the Word of God. During these fourteen years a lot has happened. At age 16 I took the water baptism. I consciously dedicated my life to God and the church. As I continued to grow, I felt the call to serve people. Even before I turned 16, I had a homegroup for my friends. I was then 13 years old. At age 16, I got into another church of charismatic direction under the leadership of the global church.

I'll explain a little bit. The charisma, the Baptists, and the Pentecostals have a lot of communities that do not obey no one from above. That is, many small and large local churches. There are similar, they are completely different in the style of holding meetings.

When I was 15 or 16, I really wanted to find my place in church and in ministry. I dreamed and prayed to serve in a youth team. In that church, which I went to, it was not. So I searched my place and prayed that God would guide me.

And so I got to the youth church. Let's say that the youth was a team, but not the main structure of the church.

I loved this time. We served a lot of people, carried out programs, gathered at various conferences together with the guys from the church. It all lasted until something inside did not begin to die. It would seem that there is everything for living and rejoicing, there is a team, ministry. She repeatedly held the meeting when there were no pastors. I was part of this movement for 5 years.

But when I graduated from the university (I studied at the KNUCiM Tourism Manager), I realized that I ceased to live in the church. It began to decrease, and those internal changes, about which we only talked with our team, did not happen neither in us nor in people. Just because you wanted to conquer the heart outside for God, and what you were inside was not so important. I said that as a team serving we should first look at ourselves and pray for God to change our characters, and not just pray for new people to come and take salvation.

This is important, but the focus, first of all, must be on our internal changes in nature. That we first learned from the team to love, accept, forgive. To look at their behavior. But there was something that should not have happened. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to exacerbate themselves, that is, to make faith and effort to change themselves. I could never imagine my life outside the church, because from the early age it was the meaning of my life. But I saw people coming from the church. Unfortunately, I saw how people from our team went with conflicts ... disagreeing in thoughts, with inability to reconcile ...

Once, a long time ago, when I was 9 years old, I had a dream, that I played with other children in heaven, and now, it's time to disperse in classes along with Jesus. I saw that other children went, and I was behind, and it seems, came the last. Then I heard the voice of Jesus: "I will separate the sheep from the goats." I put the sheep on the right and the goats on the left. "At that, the dream was over. At that time, I did not like to go to the children's ministry, and I remained in general, just drawing throughout the sermon. It turned out that I grew up among adults, so I did not have any kind of teenage period. It seemed as if I was a child, I was an adult not by years.

After that dream, I seriously thought. I stopped painting in the church and began to listen to sermons, even if I did not understand them yet and I was bored. So from my early childhood I was involved in the church with all my life. But time has come, and I have begun to seek, study, and watch the sermons on which church God sees. Much has changed in thinking. I looked at what turned out to be our little church and I was hurt.

Somehow they started talking with me, why I am more fluent, I can say what I think I can express my feelings. I could not before. It was almost impossible for us to express what we actually thought. It was limited. The moment has come when I was faced with the choice - to accept what is happening in the church, or to find another church. Why do I say this because the offer was not from me. I had a telephone conversation with the pastors. I was given a choice. We simply talked about the state in which we are both a church and every person in the team. By this time I had already been cut off from all life in the church. It seemed as if we were just going to spend time, they did everything on the template and disagreed.

I was grateful for all the time that we had. This has told my pastors. They knew that I was a serious person, I did not throw words on the wind. They knew all those ministries and cares about the people who performed. We remained literally the backbone of a church from a small group of people who themselves did not understand why they are going, because there are no changes.

During our conversation, the result was that for almost four years I have stayed outside the spiritual family, with a ban on communicating with people from my church. It was a blow. I almost had no friends outside the church, and those who were all in my life seemed to have lost ... this was the policy of the church. Those who went were forbidden to communicate with them to avoid divergences in the church.

I could not find what I was looking for - a living church, sincere people who love God with all my heart. I continued to pray that the Lord would send my ways, but I could not find a spiritual family. Just watched the ministry of one Russian-speaking church online.

Looking back, I can say that God made a real miracle. I remember the first day I met Adventists.

I found a spoken English club to tune in to English. Because it was my dream to study it. When the first time came, I learned that the organizers of the club were Adventists. I, above all, took caution because I had an experience of meeting with people from the course of Jesus' followers in the last days. It's very similar to the church in which I grew up, but they had some books that they cited besides the Bible.

I've heard about the Adventists once or twice in deep childhood and only that they go to church on Saturday, which seemed strange to everyone who goes on Sunday. I did not know anything anymore.

I started going to this club. Acquainted there with good people. Quickly became friends. I saw that there are still people who sincerely love God. Through friendship God began to transform my heart. Subsequently, I began attending the ministry of the International Church on Saturday. She was also very small, but there was something my soul was craving for. True sincerity and study of the Word. This is so simple and so deep. I traveled from afar to help the speaking club on Friday and on Saturday morning I came to church.

Day by day, month by month, year after year, God prepared my heart to become one part of the spiritual family, which I have been praying for years.

Because of the true friendship with the Adventists, God changed my views very much on the church and on life. Watching their way of life, they admired how sincerely and strongly they love God. About such people, could only dream of. I encountered an Adventist English camp, with Adventist missionaries.

All this time, a few years ago, everything turned upside down in my head. I began to find out the difference in the doctrine that was difficult for me to do. Approximately a year after meeting with the Adventists, I moved to Kiev to live with the Adventist missionaries for one year, caring for their little daughter. I got to know the Adventist homegroup, where my formation began to really begin to understand the difference in teaching in the churches. It was very difficult. All my experience of previous life contradicted the teachings of the Adventist Church. But I was very supportive in prayer friends.

All this time, more precisely for three years, God created a new man in me, but I could not overcome the feeling of remoteness from the spiritual family.

I came to church every Saturday, but besides my few friends, I did not know anyone and could not accept the fact that this place could become my spiritual home for a long time. I struggled with myself for a very long time. Struggled with thoughts. Fighting with the doctrine. I understood a lot of things very well, but there were some things that were taught in my previous charismatic life, which I did not understand why I should not let go. There were questions that I understood differently. About the baptism of the Holy Spirit, the resurrection of the dead, about hell. All this did not let me rest for a long time. But God slowly polished my perceptions.

It was time, I reached the peak of my inner struggle. I begged God that He would do something to me so that this struggle ceased and I could truly accept the church as a family. I prayed: "God, I make a decision to become a clean sheet for you. Begin to explain me again and teach me the truth. Even if I do not understand why I should release the previous doctrine, I just trust You. "

The most difficult thing was to let go of my religious experience, passed and lived for fourteen years in the church and years of my spiritual frustrations. The day came when I decided to deal with my last doctrinal question. It was one of the most difficult stages - prayer in other languages. It seemed that I betrayed myself and God. Friends from the homegroup supported and prayed for me. I deliberately decided to change the course of my life and become part of the spiritual family of the ASD. Only those who were close, know what changes God made for all this time! Those spiritual struggles for discovering the truth, in order not to betray God, it seemed to me, because I followed the new doctrine. God walked all with me. And He defeated me.

Thinking about this experience, I can say that this is one of the strongest experiences in my life. Thank you to the pastor Alexander Slobodsky, who advised me to read certain materials to fully understand my questions. It was a book about the history of the various movements of the charismatic direction, and on various issues concerning the personality of the Holy Ghost and His actions. Thanks to Vladimir Borovoy, who supported me, challenged. Challenge accepted. Complete awareness is achieved right before the baptism itself. Freedom came. The fight stopped. God is famous. Friends were glad. My second consciousness in the life of baptism took place on March 18, 2017. I became a part of the world spiritual family of the ASD! My dream came true. Thank God for being and at all times, friends for their support and prayers, pastors for their work and dedication. Better still ahead!

I myself always dreamed of missionary work and communication with people of different nationalities. Probably, it's my blood flow. I myself, too, does not look like a Ukrainian woman. People who meet with me say it every time :)

I could never even think about where my path could start, which would lead me to the knowledge of the truth.

Coming with the Adventists first, I met a lot of missionary guys. Now, I thank God for the people with whom He has brought me down. I believe my time to do missionary work is not far off. I take a photo / video, I love to catch moments in nature and in people. I'm working on writing my first book. She is about my life with God. I get a lot of pleasure when I can write thoughts, putting them in words, sentences, stories ...

I love to help. It seems to me that this is the only way I can live! Enjoy the process of life. Complicated times, especially when I switch from one season to another. You always need Vera. Although I complain sometimes, but then, I look back and thank God for the fact that He goes all along with me. Life is a constant experience that changes my thinking.