With you I will be able to do everithing!

"It would be better if you were born in some European country," the doctor told me when I got to the hospital. The reason for my urgent hospitalization were bruises all over my body, heavy breathing, frequent bleeding, which caused hemoglobin to fall, and a sharp weight loss. I realized that I was ill.

The heavy bleeding that had already opened in the hospital, could not stop anything. My condition is not that every day, but with every hour it gets worse. First, aplastic anemia was diagnosed. But after an additional examination, the preliminary diagnosis changed with acute leukemia.

In a difficult condition, I was transported from Kharkov to the capital. In Kiev, the diagnosis was confirmed. The drug, which could help with my form of leukemia, was not in Ukraine. And he then cost (in 2003) 500 dollars - crazy money! He was brought from Moscow: strangers bought it at their own expense and sent through conductors. But I was sure that I did not have cancer (the results of the second survey were not reported to me). So I thought I had aplastic anemia. But it was on my birthday (and I was already in the hospital for a month at that time), the doctor said that you need to do chemotherapy. I realized that things are bad. I was then 23 years old.

Treatment has begun. Chemotherapy is one, the second ... There were a lot of tears, experiences, pains. Doctors at night were on duty near me. A month and a half later they wrote me out for twenty days. And only there I certainly learned about my diagnosis: I found an annotation to the drug, which was usually taken out of the medicine package, so that the patients knew less and did not experience it again, did not fall into despair. A person who does not know the seriousness of his problem and hopes to recover is easier to treat. Then it was practiced and personally it helped me.

Between intensive care courses I entered a stable remission. This happened after the anointing. There was intensified prayer, repentance, reinterpretation of one's life. And in front of me were waiting for another three and a half years of patient and persistent treatment. It did not appeal to me at all. And I said to my aunt: "I want to know the truth: what awaits me? What is the verdict of the doctors? This is my life and I have the right to know everything. " To which she replied: "First of all, you must understand one thing: there are doctors' conclusions, but there is a verdict of God. And most importantly, what He will say is the Lord. Remember? "Hearing my not quite sure:" Yes, "she continued:" They give a year or two. If you are in remission, then a maximum of five years. They do not treat you, they just prolong life. " I thanked her for her openness, went into her room and, crying, she burst into tears ... And then she said to God: "It's very easy to believe You when you do not know the truth. Help me to believe now, when I know ... Regardless of anything."

...I'm back in the hospital. And next - death. I felt it when my friend was dying in the ward with me. I was escorted out into the corridor so that I did not see it. But it was a lot of stress. Death is not there when you are told that you have cancer, or even if you realize it ... And when you feel her breath with all your being. When you can not lie, get up, or eat ... when your nervous system is so tense that it seems you are about to go crazy. When you are completely helpless, helpless and helpless. This is a terrible condition.

When I was given chemotherapy, I thought and said that my heart would not stand it. But after the cardiogram the doctors assured me that everything is in order with the heart. And I could not explain to them my condition: it was difficult to take these killing droppers, I wanted to break them. I lay for forty minutes, gritting my teeth, holding my hands to the bed, so as not to turn over the counter with the solution. I could not control myself.

At that moment, life seemed to have no meaning at all. And I began to pray: "Lord God! If you do not do anything, I will not die from leukemia, but from this terrible condition ... I can not do this anymore! "This went on for three days. And then I said: "I have no more strength" and left the room ... And suddenly I saw a girl who had been in this mode for almost a month. At that moment I realized that life does not make sense if you are not happy when you, like a sheet, are wrapped in fear, when you are not abandoned by the thought of ending this once and for all, jumping out of the window! I went back to the ward and began to pray: "Good God! I understood everything! I'm ready to put up with what You've prepared for me. To stop this horror, I'm ready to die. But I'm ready to live: as long as you want. But no matter how much I live, I will be grateful to you ... The only thing I ask of You: make me happy."

My nervous state changed dramatically within a week. The basis of my updated behavior was the conviction that it's worth living only happy. I began to look at life differently. First of all, I thanked God for living. That He gave me the present. Nauseating? It does not matter, the main thing is that I woke up. I helped other patients. Who read the Bible, for someone went to the pharmacy. When I was ill, I realized that this was an excuse to help someone. Therefore, I was convinced: when you feel sorry for yourself, it does not lead to anything good! I learned to live, not thinking about myself, not focusing on my experiences. The hospital became my home for a certain period of my life.

The course of chemotherapy, as a rule, lasted a week. Then - a month of rest and recovery. Chemotherapy kills the immune system. Every time it is difficult to "go out in chemistry", you can die not from leukemia, but from flu or pneumonia, just the bodies can not stand. And the stronger chemistry, the heavier the danger. In a month - an extract. Somewhere two and a half months I am at home, but still a week of treatment with other drugs that have their side effects. In fact, it turned out that I was almost constantly treated. After this drug - again the hospital, and again - chemotherapy.

I was tethered to a hospital. I could go to relatives, travel, but at the same time I had, so to speak, a hand on the pulse. I understood that I should return in a few weeks. I went to the hospital clearly on schedule. And I could not change my mind or be late. If I found out that there is a queue, I should take it in a week to take care of my bed-place.

During this time, many of my friends died. In the first week, when I just got to the hospital, I found the same young friends in misfortune. At first there were six of us. Out of six, only two survived. Then, for three years, there were other patients. We were friends, many of them also died, they left us. It was hard to lose people, to see death and despair. Therefore, we had a default contract. For example, Tanya died. The next time we met and there were already five of us, no one asked anyone: "And where is Tanya?" We pretended that she simply never was. Everyone was afraid to hear the bad truth. Only if someone knew for sure that the girl is alive, just at home, he could say: "Tanya sends greetings." If no one knew anything about Tanya, then no one asked anything. Then Zhenya "left". And we all were silent about him. Everyone has his own assumptions, although small, but the hope that he may be being treated. Because every loss is a huge stress and a fear that it was very difficult to survive.

Combined with a deadly disease, we constantly helped each other. For example, if today I have a temperature under forty, Misha or Sveta will come to my room, call the nurse, make tea. If tomorrow is a little easier for me, and he or she has a fever, then I already care about those who are ill. If someone is not well now, his friend goes to the department and looks for a lemon to give to someone who is ill to ease his condition. And tomorrow, the one who was given attention today, will try to help someone who had searched for him a day before ...

I was always afraid to make vertebral punctures. It was very unpleasant, there could be serious consequences. Every time we prayed and experienced each other, so that everything was fine. If once I had to do this procedure three, then I was always missed as a girl by the first. Such a display of respect for a woman by men here in the hospital, was received with special gratitude.

When I first went to the hospital, I was not really a believer. I knew about God, but I lived before it as I liked it. From the age of twelve, from time to time, I went to visit my aunt, who went to the Seventh-day Adventist church. It was she who read the children's Bible and believed that God exists. Growing up and being a guest in one believing aunt, then in the other, I went to church and realized that this is right. Sometimes I even thought that someday I would also become an Adventist ... Once, just not now. It's still early, I'm young, I want to go to discos, I want to be in youth companies, drink, smoke...

But when I got to the hospital and could not go up, she said to God: "I've been running away from you for a long time, and now I'm Yours. If You lead me out of this state, I will serve Your whole life. " When it became a little easier for me, I was baptized. And during the last courses of chemotherapy, I was elected youth leader of the church of the Left-bank spiritual center of Kiev. We have a good friendly youth team. Together we held youth meetings, went to boarding schools, conducted social programs. It was very interesting.

Today I believe that in another way it could not have happened. Before I fell ill, my mother died, and soon, in a year and a half, and dad. I experienced these deaths very hard and each time I asked God for the strength to go through it.

Probably, I would be lost in this world, if I was not stopped by the disease. I think that the Lord successfully used the hard, but I believe the only right way is to completely change my life and make me happy. Because, then how I lived before the illness, and after it, it's like heaven and earth. I was not a person who listens. I needed to "hit" well, so that I could understand something. And then for a long time to educate and persuade ... If God healed me immediately after the prayer and anointing, I, most likely, would not be the person I am now.

Three and a half years have become a huge school, which I will not trade for anything. Never and no matter what! I am grateful to Him for those years. It's hard for me to explain this, but apparently it's the best thing that happened in my life for me to be happy today. Yes, I cried then, it was painful for me to be treated and lose, but I got a huge base of trust in God. When something happens to me now, it's enough for me to return and remember. I'm not sure that my relationship with God would be so if I did not go through this school.

I have a strong character. I say so, because when my parents died, I myself stayed in a big city, left the university, I made my own bread. I considered myself a strong person. The problems of others for me were not problems. And when I lay on the bed and could not get up, I realized that it was not strong, I could not even hold a cup of tea. Where was my strength, when, sobbing, I continually repeated: "I can not anymore"?

And I found her, my strength.

I kept saying this all the time. And it was true, which became a reality. Now, when it's hard for me, I tell my Savior: "With you, I can do anything."

For eight years I have been on a disability: the first, the second, and then the third group ... For five years now I have been considered a healthy person. Discontinued. True, I was not removed from the restrictions. That is, I, like every person, need to monitor their health. Unfortunately, I quickly overdo it. But I underwent more than twenty courses of chemotherapy. And when I tell the doctors that I have something wrong there, they, knowing my story, are surprised at my requirements for their health. And I want and I will be healthy. Therefore I rely on the Lord.

It is thanks to the heavenly Father, who is constantly worried about me, as about everyone on this earth, I found the business I am doing, and my soul mate.

Communicating with young people, organizing various programs and taking part in them, I realized that I like writing scripts. And also - to shoot thematic videos for conducting quizzes and youth programs. This I did well with my friend Oleg Parkhomchuk. Over time, he was offered to make video clips already on the "Hope" TV channel for the program "Pospilkumosya!". And then they called me there. However, at first I refused, because I do not have a special education. But I know that when God assigns something to a person, God gives him the appropriate abilities. Therefore, I called the editorial office and said that I wanted to try. In September 2011, I started working on the TV channel "Nadezhda" as a clipmaker. Doing what you love, with the best team of like-minded people and co-religionists is a pleasure. This can not even be called a job.

A year later, in September 2012, I got married. God gave me a beautiful husband who understands, cherishes and loves me, and whom I love.

Today I have what I dreamed of and asked for from God many years ago: I am happy!